Oi...

The Australian Open has just begun and I have no idea what will happen. Well, I have an idea, but it will likely mean very little come Day 14. Anyway, I can give you a 41% guarantee that the following WILL happen. Here are my picks for Champion and "Surprise Semifinalist":

• Men's Champion: Novak Djokovic - He's coming in with a head of steam. I understand that an entire offseason has happened and that new coach Boris Becker can throw a small hitch in his game, but Nole has been the king of Melbourne Park for three years running. I can't foresee anyone bringing him down, especially with Nadal's semi-shaky Doha title run (and his ridiculously tough draw) and Andy Murray's limited match play since the U.S. Open.
• Surprise Semifinalist: John Isner - Much like Novak, he's coming in with some momentum ahead of a solid title run in Auckland. He was fortunate enough to be in the quarter anchored by a rusty Murray and an erratic Federer. Big John's big serve should do a ton of damage and he should feel no pressure this year, having missed last year's Oz due to injury.
• Women's Champion: Serena Williams - I'm not gonna bother rationalizing this pick. NEXT.
• Surprise Semifinalist: Andrea Petkovic - She was drawn into the slightly unstable Sharapova quarter and she has a manageable path. She plays No. 32 seed Magdalena Rybarikova in the first round, but Magda is known to crap out in Slams. Petko could get JJ in the third round.

I'll stop myself here before I make myself look dumb. Looking forward to enjoying the Happy Slam and lots of coffee on weekday mornings. Sleep is for the weak. Or for the smart, whichever.