Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

As if Wimbledon was not already the most anticipated, and renowned, tournament on the tennis calendar, the All-England Lawn Tennis Club decided to add a component to the event that caters to every fanatic: a fantasy team.

I use the word 'team' very loosely because the players on each team created do not pool all of their respective statistics. Rather, we choose what part of a tennis stat sheet that each player will contribute to our team total, almost like a less gruesome way of pulling apart the arms, reflexes, and brains of a few tennis players to create a racquet-wielding robot of sorts. For example, the "Power" category, one (of five categories) which rewards the player's winners and deducts for unforced errors, on my team is headed by Tomas Berdych, who underperformed in the first round (he has since found a way to make up for it). However, performance is relative. Berdych cost me 300 points out of my 1,000-point budget. Ana Konjuh, on the other hand, only cost me 50 points and really gained me some useful points for the relatively low cost (and yes, she's my new favorite tennis player).

I wish I could provide more on the rules and how exactly the game works on a detailed level, but I'm still playing this thing by ear. The best I can do is give you the blow-by-blow of inward drama that is my Fantasy Wimbledon team. There will be tears when I make some cuts (once I figure out how that works...).

CATEGORIES

SERVE: Kei Nishikori
ANALYSIS: Baaaaad move. The dude cost me 200 points, but has done LITERALLY NOTHING for the team. Definitely first on the chopping block.

POWER: Tomas Berdych
ANALYSIS: Disappointing first round, especially because I paid 300 points (pounds?) for his winners, but I have faith he'll pull through in the later rounds

RETURN: Ana Konjuh
ANALYSIS: Team MVP (relatively speaking)! She's a keeper as long as she keeps winning her return points. And this is the category where you can really dig deep in the recesses of the tour to find a player who will only cost you 50 points because the amount of potential points from Return category is limited anyway, as it is dependent upon a percentage (no more than 100 points, an impossible feat).

NET PLAY: Roger Federer (wildcard)
ANALYSIS: Boooooooo you suck, Roger. I thought you were supposed to be the GOAT? Maybe I should've gotten Stakhovsky for this role. I mean, he's a serve-and-volleyer and he did "kick [your] butt" last year. Plus, I'm sure he won't cost me an arm and a leg. Sell.

MIND: Nick Kyrgios
ANALYSIS: Terrible casting by me, as he rocketed down 20+ aces in his win today and hardly had a single break opportunity. He's gonna be my first team change once I figure out how many switches I have left. I don't want to burn them all after only two days of play. He's cheap though, so no big loss.

All in all, a solid team that has gotten me solidly in the Top 10 of my league. But, as in all fantasy leagues, things can go downhill in an instant...

I will do my best to keep you abreast on our progress, any cuts I've made, and any new rules I learn. Just know I play to win. Competitors beware.

Uncertain Certainties

Tears will fall as fast as her ranking

Only hours before Wimbledon 2014 commences! What the heck will happen you ask? Here are five things that are certain to occur:

• Sabine Lisicki will open play on Centre on Day 2, entering the stadium in tears. Marion Bartoli will watch from the stands wearing Louboutins and a smug look on her face. When Sabine catches sight of Marion looking flawless, the memories of last year's final will overwhelm her and she will be carted off the field, going down to Julia Glushko, 1-6, 0-4 RET.
• Rafael Nadal will beat Lukas Rosol in the second round in five sets, avenging his shock loss to the Czech man in 2012. The match will finish beneath a closed Centre Court roof way four hours after curfew, culminating in a 13-11 final set scoreline. Nadal will later pull out of his third round match against Ivo Karlovic, citing over-elation.
• Sorana Cirstea will reassert herself as the Queen of Romania, upending Simona Halep in the third round. She will promptly lose in the following round to Tara Moore after being paid a handsome sum by a group of British journos.
• Agnieszka Radwanska and Victoria Azarenka will produce a dog fight of a match, rife with shrieks, glares, side-eyes, come-ons, and snubs. A tearful Aga will admonish Vika's grunt during her loser's press conference, while Vika deems the confrontation "hilarious" and that she was "laughing out loud" because of it.
• Grigor Dimitrov will face Andy Murray in a highly anticipated quarterfinal. The match will be awkward for the crowd as they will want to root for the next coming of Roger Federer. Grigor will get off to a quick start in the first set, fall back to earth in the second, and lose the third and fourth sets in romp after scanning the crowd and seeing Maria Sharapova eating gummy candies and judging him.

For things that definitely won't happen, here are my abbreviated picks:

Women's semifinals: Halep def. Sharapova; Azarenka def. Wozniacki

Women's final: Azarenka def. Halep

Men's semifinals: Djokovic def. Dimitrov; Federer def. Kyrgios (why not?)

Men's final: Federer def. Djokovic

Here's to hoping Novak proves me wrong. Happy Wimbledon, everyone!

The Grass is Greener (Than Clay)

Now that I have run out of tears to cry over the result of this past French Open (we just want one title, Rafa...), I am ready to discuss Wimbledon, the possibilities, and the major players heading into the All-England Club. Who's in need of championship run, or at least a deep showing?

1. For someone who plays only two ATP 500s per year (and no 250s), Novak Djokovic has been playing the vulture for the better part of the last 18 months. He's currently the defending champion at seven tournaments, none of them being Grand Slams. And for the only of the Big Four to be a virtual lock to make it to the latter stages of every event he enters, he hasn't won a major in his last five attempts. Maybe the stars will align this Wimbledon, but doubt has taken over hope given his current results.
2. Roger Federer made his sixth final and won his second title of the year in Halle, but his peak form from the post-Australian Open hard court swing seems to have waned a bit, not a good sign heading into the place that cemented his legend. Winning a grass court tune-up (and getting a nice draw) should boost his confidence, but we've seen Roger have sniffs at matches/titles yet come up short.
3. With a new, badass coach in his corner, Andy Murray heads into Wimbledon with a renewed purpose. How can one top breaking a 77-year drought? By doing it again, this time with a Amelie Mauresmo in tow. It'll be a tough ask, but quelling the haters is great motivation.
4. Jerzy Janowicz has been in freefall since making the semifinals at SW19 last year. He went through a winless streak that lasted from the middle of February until the beginning of the French Open, including a Davis Cup loss to Borna Coric, a young up-and-comer barely ranked within the Top 300. About half of his ranking points are attributed to his stellar run last year, so a poor showing will cause him to completely plummet, possibly outside the Top 60.
5. For a player widely considered to be unbeatable, Serena Williams has been beaten quite a bit in 2014 (based on her standards, anyway). Especially disconcerting were results at the first two majors this year, particularly in Paris, where she was dusted in barely over an hour by Garbine Muguruza. Serena's getting close to 33 now, so her invincibility of the previous two years may be wearing off, but she needs to relearn how to raise her game for the Slams like she did in Brisbane, Miami, and Rome this year.
6. Agnieszka Radwanska is #5 in the Road To Singapore and has had a decent year, but she doesn't have a title to show for it. She's a player who's game doesn't automatically scream Slam champion, but Aga has had very real opportunities, at Wimbledon last year and at the Oz in January, slip through her fingers to stealthily grab her first major. With the other top players (not counting Maria Sharapova) in a bit of flux, Aga should want to capitalize on the grass that she loves.
7. Sloane Stephens used to enjoy the label of being the youngest player in her section of the rankings. She has since ceded that position to Eugenie Bouchard, a cohort who has zoomed past her this season. The other girls in her age group are also making steady, noticeable gains, but Sloane seems to be stuck in third gear, scraping by with a ranking barely inside the Top 20. Making six straight second weeks in Slams is quite impressive, but that statistic is getting stale, especially since the last three were only fourth round forays. If she can get to the semis (not an easy task), she can reinsert herself as a dangerous player for anyone to face.

Any other players you think could use a deep run? Leave a comment! Should be a fun fortnight.