The Bleeping Venus Williams

Bow down to Queenus | via instagram.com

"She thinks she's the fucking Venus Williams."

Oh, Irina Spirlea, you had no idea how prescient your statement would be. The Fucking Venus Ebony Starr Williams has catapulted back into the year-end Top 10 after winning the Zhuhai Elite Trophy, all the way up to No. 7 in the world.

Number seven. Wut.

If you have been following the life and times of Venus Williams the past few years, you know that this is a big deal for her. Since announcing she was diagnosed with Sjogren's Syndrome, an auto-immune disorder that affects her energy levels, Venus has been clawing her way back to where she left off in early 2011. In the early stages of this most recent rebirth, she's stated her desire to be alongside her sister as the two players to beat in the ladies' game once again, a place they've been numerous times in the past two decades. Most, myself included, did not think this was a feasible goal for her, but as Venus stated, she had the support of her team and family and mustered enough belief in herself to get back to where she thinks she belongs.

2015 was a season hijacked by Serena Williams. She's been the story, the one we all watched, the one who commands every bit of our attention. That's been the case for 13 years, often at the expense of Venus. Funnily enough, Venus took center stage this autumn when Serena ceded the spotlight after her demoralizing semifinal stumble at the U.S. Open. Venus herself was only ranked No. 24 after the final Slam of 2015, but she picked up quite a bit of momentum from that quarterfinal result. Venus went over to China and started her crusade at The Championships, Wuhan, winning her biggest title since Dubai in 2010. That run had the unfortunate side effect of a sluggish second-round loss in Beijing, a critical tournament for her Singapore dreams. Still, she was safely qualified for Zhuhai, the third place match to Singapore's trophy match. something that was not anything of a guarantee before the Asian swing.

Silently judging you like pic.twitter.com/imFnzMtrli

— WTA Reactions (@WTAreactions) September 11, 2015

Many players who qualified for the event decided it wasn't worth the trip. Not Venus. She saw her opportunity to get back into the Top 10, as well as significantly increase her chances at landing a spot on the U.S. Olympic team in Rio, and she would not leave this stone unturned. She runs through her path which included big hitting youngsters Madison Keys and Karolina Pliskova - two players who could be considered to be molded in the style of Venus Williams. Venus conquers them both anyway.

2015 saw the bulk of Venus's successes come mostly away from public view. I have to assume this is exactly how she'd like it. While her sister received all kinds of accolades from every corner, Venus stood back and went about her business. Serena has an (almost literal) army of diehard fans; Venus has the universal respect and admiration. Serena is dubbed the black feminist icon; Venus continues to silently boycott Indian Wells. As someone who took to Venus first, it irks me that Venus's accomplishments, especially off of the court, go unrecognized. But she probably doesn't mind. She doesn't need others to tell her that she's done a good job. She already knows what she achieved and what it took to get her the things she wants. All the recognition The Fucking Venus Williams will ever need comes from herself.

A 'Murrican Tennis Outlook

My sleep/work schedule is rejoicing tennis being back in the States. Matches are so much more fun to watch when they're on primetime television with an adult beverage in hand or well-rested on a relaxing weekend afternoon. On Friday night I watched, with heavy eyelids, Serena Williams battle back to defeat Ana Ivanovic. On Saturday, an ultimately disappointed Donald Young held his own against Milos Raonic.

Besides the Williams sisters, American tennis is going through a long-winded lull. The players are less exciting (we kinda-sorta miss you, A-Rod, but you're doing a bang up job as an analyst) and the number of events on home soil has dwindled and become more scattered, but we'll focus more on the players, or lack thereof. Given Serena's roller coaster ride of a 2014, we're forced to gaze into the crystal ball and see the future landscape of American tennis, and it's exactly what you'd expect to be looking at when confronted with a crystal ball: fog and lots of it.

Really, really sad

To be fair, the Grand Slam prospects on the women's side look pretty decent. Madison Keys has had ups and downs, but has mostly made strides in 2014. Even through her ugly patches (speaking of roller coasters...), Sloane Stephens still has considerable talent that can be honed. Vicky Duval is in the Top 100 (and kicking cancer's ass in the process) and Taylor Townsend has shone brightly on and off of the court. However, the men are a totally different story. John Isner has been lumbering in and largely out of the Top 10, Young is getting his bearings together yet again, and Steve Johnson is only beginning to make a name for himself on the main tour. Jack Sock has seen steady improvement, but Sam Querrey has been...sad.

Among all of the aforementioned names, Big John is the only one that could feasibly win a Slam by 2015. However, Jizzner's game makes any given match a toss-up, and that amounts to a <1% chance of winning seven matches in a single event (yes, I did the math). We also seemingly lack personalities that we can love (or love to hate). Serena and Sloane started to give us some of that last year, but have largely been consumed by their respective on-court woes since. Madison, Vicky, and Taylor are all likable girls, but have yet to show their on-court prowess deep at the biggest stages, leaving them fairly anonymous with casual fans.

All of that said, Serena is still #1, the tournament favorite everywhere she plays, and a household name. Venus is still plugging away and doesn't seem to be hanging it up anytime soon. Taylor is a future star in training. Sloane is Sloane, as she would say, and is still giving us something to talk about, NuvaRings and all. There were seven American boys in the last 16 of Wimbledon's Boy's Championships, two of whom faced off in the final. We may have a bit more fog to wade through, but it can be cleared pretty quickly with some strong results, especially if they can come within the next five weeks on home soil.

Thoughts? Rebuttals? Leave a comment! #MERICA

Less is More in 2-0-1-4

It's a new year, a new tennis season, and a new slew of things that I want to complain about! This year, less is more. Here are a few things I would like to see less of to make tennis more enjoyable in 2014:

1. Less injuries. They suck. One reason why the Australian Open was so lackluster in 2013 was Nadal's absence due to his health problems. Injuries and pull-outs are a part of tennis, but seeing less of them this year would be awesome.
2. Less chair umpire involvement in matches. Looking at you Mohamed Lahyani.
3. Less fan rowdiness. I'm all for cheering on your guy like heck, but when someone has been trying to serve for the last five minutes, just stfu. Please.
4. Less piling on. Some of the media have a tendency to hop on the bash bandwagon rather quickly, whether it's directed at Victoria Azarenka or Sloane Stephens or Bernard Tomic or Donald Young, then change tact when that player achieves something to earn praise. A little more perspective, both ways, really makes a difference.
5. Less blatantly pronouncing names wrong. Dear Greg Garber, it's Djo-ko-VITCH, not Djo-ko-VICK. Get yourself together. Sincerely, literally everyone remotely paying attention to tennis within the last six years.
6. Fewer articles about Venus/Serena skipping Indian Wells. Their decision is final, stop harping on about it.
7. Fewer complaints about grunting. Why that's stopping you from watching great tennis, I will never know.
8. Less courteousness among the players. Give me all of the drama. Andy Murray agrees.
9. Fewer television coverage issues. See ATP Miami final on CBS. Or only see up until it gets to a final-set tiebreaker, then search for a completely different means to the watch the conclusion of the match, with none of those means being related to CBS or Tennis Channel or Tennis TV. Yeah, it was THAT dumb.



Less violating the net...

10. Less surface homogenization. I just want Tsvetana Pironkova to make a Wimbledon final. Or, at the very least, fewer of the same names left standing at the end of each tournament year-round.

What do you want to see less of this season? Leave a comment and complain away. The Australian Open is just days away! Prepping myself for less sleep.

Go Williams

Dear Venus and Serena,

I have been seriously following tennis for only about 30 months, but you were two of the very first names I recognized on either tour. I was there at the 1999 U.S. Open, watching both of you play an early-round doubles match. My family and I cheered you guys on at Court 17 and waited hopefully to catch a glimpse of you as you exited the grounds with your father. My mom yelled "I love you, Venus!" and you waved at her. It was really exciting.

Even more so was the history you two have made throughout the years while being African-American and from the 'hood in a sport made for the rich and privileged, battling racism and jealousy of the general public and fellow peers, and climbing back from personal and professional low points to inspired new levels. Most inspirational of all is that you did it together.

As I watched your documentary, I relived the achievements and the disappointments, the triumphs and the tribulations, and wondered to myself how do they keep going at it? Surely the training, the travel, the stress, something has to be irksome about this harsh profession now that they're both on the other side of 30. How can they ignore all of that?

I've learned that it boils down to love; love of tennis and each other. And it shows every match I see either of you play. I saw it on Saturday in your 24th head-to-head meeting, and again while watching old YouTube clips of you girls when the two of you took the world by storm, and yet again while watching your documentary.

Tennis is a harsh sport. You work so hard to get to your peak, but that period of dominance rarely lasts. So it makes me happy to hear that even if you're both too old and washed up for singles, you will keep playing doubles until kingdom come (or until you don't medal at the Olympics, whichever's first). Thank you, Venus and Serena, for lasting in a sport that has such a short lifespan. You're the reason I love tennis and the reason I am blogging today. Keep fighting out there. As always, I'll be rooting for you.

Lots of love and appreciation,

SholznBowlz

Jetlagged

I can confidently say that my body clock has reset to Eastern Standard Time (six days later).

What an Australian Open! ...Okay, it was actually a little anticlimactic. Dare I say Oz was disappointing? Here are a couple of things that made the Happy Slam such a downer:

All flower, no power (or accuracy).

The matchups we were all waiting to see were lackluster or didn't even happen. We all marked Maria Sharapova's third-round clash with Venus Williams on our calendar and were hopeful for an intense, albeit noisy, match since Venus looked almost as good as MaSha through her first two opponents...DUD. MaSha crushed Venus, yet celebrated like she won a thrilling three-set final. I was left with my mouth hanging open in shock because it was such a one-way street.

That wasn't the only one. Serena and MaSha were on a collision course to meet in the finals, but back spasms and Li Na put the respective breaks on their near flawless Oz Open runs. Even Nole vs. Andy was a little hard to watch. The one match that actually lived up to it's billing was Andy vs. Rog in the second men's semis. Most of the others were not up to par.

Another bummer was the crazy number of injuries. Serena rolled her ankle before her first set was over and was laboring throughout her shortened second week, Sloane Stephens had three or four straight opponents take medical timeouts, Andy Murray seemed to slow down a step in the third set of the finals because of those unsightly blisters, and the whole Vika shenanigan made injuries the talk of the tournament. Depressing.

Leave a comment if you think there were even lamer things about this year's Australian Open or if you feel like it wasn't that bad of a Grand Slam at all! Here's to hoping the season goes up from here. Congratulations to Novak Djokovic and Victoria Azarenka for defending their titles! Davis Cup is already upon us. Good luck to Jim Courier and the USA squad!

Hot In Hurr'

102 degree whether not withstanding, it has been a blazing-hot Aussie Open two rounds in! The race for the second week has reached a fever pitch and there are some blockbuster matches for us all to drool over.

So what happened through two rounds down under? Well, for those of you too lazy to bother watching, there's been a lot of this:

...major hubbub about this:

...too much of this, and EVERYONE is talking about this:

And I didn't even mention Tomic's cheekiness or Jerzy Janowicz's craziness.

Now it's time to look forward to the third round where there are a handful of intriguing matchups to grab our attention, but none bigger than MaSha vs. Venus. Venus is playing really well and is 2-0 vs. Maria on the GS stage, but Ms. Sugarpova has been beating the daylights out of her opponents so far (see bagel picture above). Venus, however, is a veteran who moves well and hits almost as hard as MaSha, so I do not expecting anything remotely close to a bagel. Still, MaSha's heavy hitting game is a little more consistent so I pick her to win in three tight sets.

Another interesting match up is our new favorite hot-head Jerzy Janowicz against Nico Almagro. They both have big serves, Almagro has the beautiful one-handed backhand, and Janowicz has the huge forehand that can cause damage. What impressed me about JJ was his ability to comeback from two sets down in his now infamous match against Devvarman and I worry about Nico's concentration in long battles. I have Janowicz in 5.

Lastly, our two favorite English-speaking youngsters on the WTA face up. Laura Robson, pseudo-hometown favorite in Melbourne, is just coming off an 11-9 third-set triumph against 8th seeded Petra Kvitova. The bubbly Sloane Stephens had two fairly routine wins in the early rounds against unseeded opponents. There is much at stake for both of these women as the winner of this match would be the favorite in the Round of 16 to get to the quarterfinals. Their most recent meeting was a straight-set victory by Stephens, so I will have to take her in three sets. Still, I may be a bit of a homer for picking her (USA! USA!).

Anyone disagree with my analyses? Any other matches to keep our eye on as we head towards the weekend? Leave a comment and discuss! And remember to hydrate, wear sunscreen, and keep your wide-brimmed hats close.